A few days ago, I wrote about the beauty I experienced during my morning Microcosmic Orbit Meditation. As I arose from the meditation, I was left with a sense of alive gratitude and peace. As you may know, I have been doing this meditation daily since the solstice, committing to a daily practice of 108 days.
After writing the post from the other day, I have experienced quite an internal process and wanted to share it. After experiencing the feelings of peaceful centeredness, during the remainder of the day I began to feel a bit of sadness and despair. I often try to resist this state of mind and simply rest in the silent peace within. Yet, I also see the value in meeting what is here, knowing that as we see things, they are freed and transformed into love and peace. It can be painful to feel certain emotions, yet if we really meet them, the feelings lasts for a very short amount of time. It feels like energy is trapped and just needs to be released. It is as if they aren’t really there at all. In the meeting of them, when we bring our attention into the feeling and the sensation of them, they quickly dissolve into nothing, into stillness.
During the next few days, I experienced many emotions surfacing. At times I resisted them, which caused unnecessary pain. At times I relaxed into them, accepted them and met them. Meeting them was so much easier, so much more freeing. It takes just a moment for this process, which is simply letting the mind relax into this moment, noticing where the pain is being felt in the body and bringing one’s consciousness there. For me, the pain was held in the chest, which may be why I sometimes have shortness and tightness of breath. I brought my consciousness there and immersed myself in the pain and felt the sensation. It was tight, it was heavy, it was dark. Yet, as I kept my attention there, within a few seconds the weight began to lift. I felt more space within the area of pain, like light was infusing the area. I felt emotional at times during this process. Sometimes I cried and felt like screaming, yet I kept my attention on the feelings. At times, while doing this, we can return back to the mind and try to figure out why we are feeling these feelings, such as who caused the pain, which actually takes us away from the experience. The mind can justify the feelings and keep the story of them going. When we rest in the sensation, with the mind simply witnessing the pain, it frees the feeling and frees the story of suffering. Meeting the pain, without a story and without judgment, is so much more profound in our healing process.
After several waves of emotions surfaced and were met throughout the following two days, I now feel lighter and more quiet. I feel like years, maybe lifetimes of suffering were met. I know the meditation is bringing unseen feelings to the surface. I am grateful for that, even though it can be painful. Healing is not always easy. It takes courage and strength to move through difficult moments. It is worth it, though. There is beauty in each experience of meeting what is Here. There is a deepening into something beyond the personal story, into a place of peace and true security, into an eternal place of Being.
I still have many days to go in the 108 day Microcosmic Orbit practice. This was the first experience of pain arising. Although it was difficult in some ways, it was also beautiful to be able to meet the anger, sadness, fear and despair. It is an important part of the journey, the journey into my own Heart.